Staring into a Mirror

If a picture can say a thousand words then this one says it all. It is blatantly obvious that my son is unhappy in this photo. Unfortunately, this is one of the many phases he is going through right now.  It’s called “jealousy.” And it is all part of growing up.

I’m sure it does not come as a surprise to most seasoned mommies that children can be extremely jealous at times, specifically of their siblings. It seems as if my oldest two children are in constant competition with each other.

Last Friday, after school, as soon as my daughter got into the car, she excitedly told me she had received a perfect score on her spelling test. She even spelled the bonus word correctly. Of course, I told her how proud I was and gave her a thousand and one way-to-go cheers. It wasn’t long before my son, Matt, folded his arms and began pouting. His first response was, “What about me?” He made me think of the “What about me” robot impression that Joyce Meyer does in some of her teaching series. I tried reminding him, earlier that day, I had already given him a big hug and complimented him on how well he had done with his writing assignment. However, he did not want to hear it. The only thing he seemed to be able to focus on was the fact that Allison was receiving attention and he was not.

I remember, when Allison moved to third grade level reading assignments. At that time, Matt had almost finished the kindergarten level, which is awesome considering he is only four years old. Allison was so excited to be moving up another level. Matt, on the other hand, was so sad. His response actually saddened me. I could tell his feelings were genuinely hurt. I asked him why he was sad. He said, it was because Allison had moved to the blue workbook and he was still reading the yellow book. I tried my best to explain how far he had come and how well he was doing. I explained the importance of being happy for his sister when she is happy or has done something good. It seemed no matter what I said or how I tried to comfort him, nothing worked. He just cried even harder.

Finally, I took him by his hands and lovingly looked into his little brown eyes and said, “Matt you know Mommy and Daddy love you very much. We would never set you up for failure. We want you to be successful at every level of reading. If I move you to the next level now, you would fail because you have not fully mastered the concepts in the yellow book. Allison has already successfully completed the yellow, orange and green workbooks. She is ready for the third grade level but she started off reading the yellow workbook just like you. As soon as you’re ready, I promise you, I will move you to the next level and soon you will be able to read on a third grade level too.” While I was speaking those words to him, I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me. God was assuring me that he is always looking out for my best interests.

Although, Matt did not fully understand what I had said to him, his countenance quickly became happy again. I realized my words had comforted him. Then he started back playing with his sister, as though nothing ever happened.  It was at that moment, I realized God was using my son to teach me a valuable life lesson. It was as if I were staring into a mirror. I was the child and God my Father was lovingly explaining why I could not do what I thought I was so ready to do.

There have been so many times, in which, I have wanted to skip certain lessons in my life and go straight to the next level, both naturally and spiritually. If I’m honest, there have been times when I’ve seen others, even fellow Christian brothers and sisters, achieving things I wanted.  Instead of rejoicing with them, I found myself sulking in jealously just as my son had been over the success of his sister, Allison.

Most often, adults do not display jealousy as out-right as children. We usually smile outwardly and frown inwardly. That is why, we have to be reminded that God looks at our hearts. He sees us as we truly are. ” For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” I Samuel 16:7

Jealousy is always seeded in insecurity. My son often feels, when we’re celebrating his sisters, we are not celebrating him. He thinks his sisters are going to receive all of our attention and there won’t be any left for him. Of course, we know that isn’t true but he doesn’t. That is why he needs us to reassure him of our love for him. He needs to know that he is loved and celebrated just as much as his siblings.

I am learning that much like my son, in the times that we feel anxious or jealous of the success of others, we simply need God to reassure us of who we are and His love for us. We need our Heavenly Father to hold our hands and tell us everything is okay. Then, we will be able to repent, rejoice with our brothers and/or sisters and to go back to loving each other as though the jealousy never existed.

^“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11